What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
