This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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