if i died would you start the facebook group?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
