What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
