just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
