Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
