if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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