stop calling my apartment porn island.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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