I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
