Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
