too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
