You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
