my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
