His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
