Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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