Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
