May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
