I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
