I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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