We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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