I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
