my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
