Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
