i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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