the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
