Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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