I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
