Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
