id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
