You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
