I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
