"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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