Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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