my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
