i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
