"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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