when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
