Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
