i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
