Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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