It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
