Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
