My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
