I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
