I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sobbing to NWA
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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