Quick, to the slutcave!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
