i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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