They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
