The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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