The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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