Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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