I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
