While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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