Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
