k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
