btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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