if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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