I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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