I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
