Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
