Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
