I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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