On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize