When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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