I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found the puke drawer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
