I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
