I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
