if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
