HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
