U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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